


Sinking

by Glowing_dimp_as_an_ember



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Mortal AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 21:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8817622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glowing_dimp_as_an_ember/pseuds/Glowing_dimp_as_an_ember
Summary: He knew the feeling in his gut wouldn’t disappear anytime soon.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea

The blinding white light of the elegant lamp that glowing firmly over his glass desk, whose years of use had slowly transform the once glorious object of good looking appearance into a monster made of the broken pieces of childhood memories he would rather shove into the most obscure corner of his mind, was the only thing preventing him from getting shallowed into a sea of eternal darkness; combating the melancholia that was spreading through his soul in a slow manner, with the same velocity of one of those complex illness he had read about in the books his school library put on display for multiple researches, even though his were born out of not responsibility but of boredom, result of the excessive amount of free time he got due to the fact of having no one to spend the minutes he had to spare with.

The boy let out a quiet sigh, a fraction of his inner distress showing its undeniable presence by making a brief appearance on the world of the living, though there was no one around to hear the evident signs of the catastrophic shape of his current emotional state. He let his dark chocolate irises wander around the area, even though the darkness surrounding his body barely let him see his surroundings particularly well, especially the zone located in a further position from the area occupied by his only source of light.

His closed door prevented the yellowish glimmers, characteristics of the rather narrow hallway outside his room, from helping the naïve shimmer on the inside in the battle against the strong willed army of shadows. The area being sealed up also met no sound coming in which, if he were to be honest, was something he was pretty much glad for to some extent, blocked out noises meant having the upper hand in the task of ignoring the world around him, ignore the human beings that filled him with not so positive feelings and some self-destructive and self-loathing thoughts. On the other hand, however, it gave a more spacious battlefield to the comments always roaming his brain, always present, always in different intensities but never fully leaving.

The black haired passed a hand through his dark locks, pulling from them slightly in frustration as he was about to let go of the thin, delicate strands attached to the top of his head. He hated it when they were more present, when they all, out of the sudden, decided to pop up from their underground hiding place to spread crawl around every corner of his brain, taunting him to break, to shout, to scream for mercy, for them to stop. Those harmful sentences stabbed him in the back, even though he always knew they were coming, he didn’t seem able to stop the sharp words advances; no matter how much time he had spent preparing himself from their eminent attack,  they always seemed to take him off guard, throwing hours, days, months of careful planning through the window.

The vibrating sounds produced by the electronic device placed not so far away from the bed he was laying down as one of his multiple, but not so numerous, plans to gain at least a portion of the energy he had lost after doing a lot of draining activities that had robbed him of all forces on the inside, pulled him away from the endless void of eternal thoughts he was about to fall into, forcing to get back to reality, his pair of brown eyes fixing his attention on the considerably old cellphone as he jolted up slightly, quickly sitting down in a more comfortable position to grab the item without having to unplug the cable that was connecting said object with a extension underneath his work desk, a faint reddish circle being the indicator of said tool to be somewhere even remotely alive.

He leaned towards the border of the bed slightly, his fingers slowly separating the cable from the small entrance hole on the bottom of the phone, letting the considerably long white, unmoving, snail fall limp to the ground, near one of the members of the pair composed by a pair of black, worn out running shoes he had forgotten to put in its respective place, day after day.

The black haired ignored the sparky resonance caused by the friction between the metallic end and his wooden floor, which later looked like it was covered by a rug made of ancient dust, the natural color it once had long lost as well as his stubborn strength that had been trying to hold the pieces of his own self together, even if that would leave his brain without a proper rest, not that the later was something his body was not used to by now, he didn’t remember the last time he had actually slept more than three hours straight during the last months.

His eyes scanned the device’s screen, his glance slowly running through the cracks born out of his own neglect and carelessness. He recalled they had once caused him to almost throw the phone against a hard surface in anger, a feeling mixed with such other emotions that was exceptionally hard to place a proper name to it, making him just stick him the sensation inside him that had filled him the most. Fury. Against the item for going against his wishes, against the world that had ignored the expression displayed on his face when the multiple events took place, against himself for not being good enough, small moments like those getting usually compared to most of his failures in life.

The black haired shifted slightly on his place, bringing his body once more into the perimeters of his grayish mattress, shoulders bumping forcefully against headboard, the numerous pillows he had been using to rest his neck and to partially hide his features sinking and finding a new place in the slight curve of his back, near the lower discs of his spine, providing his nerves with a peculiar combination of comfort and incommodity, though the wasn’t sure if the later had been present all along without him having noticed.

His thumb found its way to the home button of the piece of technology he was currently holding onto as if even the thought of it somehow was to evaporate out of thin air were to mean something more sinister, as if he was holding to life itself. The brown eyes narrowed, his features morphing into an annoyed frown at the sudden exposition of another source of light, this one less bearable considering he had felt as if a flashlight had just been pointed to his irises to see if his pupil were to either grow or shrink, a silly experiment he recalled having been force to do ages ago, in those times where existing didn’t look like a task hard to accomplish, times clearly buried in the past.

As quickly as his trembling hand would let him, he set the level of brightness as low as possible, though it didn’t seem to be enough since he still had to force his senses to properly function as they had previously been in the dark environment he had been in. The room, which he was sure his sister would have jokingly said resembled a cave, was now more visible, to his very dislike, the reason behind the darkness was that it was like a vail, a thin vail made of volatile smoke that prevented him from staring at the world how it was in reality, a shield away from everything. He didn’t want to stare at anything that might remind him of the outside, of the universe behind the uneven four walls that served as his realm, his fortress, where he could stay while being hugged by the shadows of his existence whenever things were to take an unwanted turn.

The brown eyed unlocked the phone before almost instantly tapping on the icon message, which was currently showing a rather large number of unread texts. That was why he always put the phone in the ‘don’t bother’ option, he didn’t feel like seeing so many sentences getting launched into the air, especially when he knew those said words got nothing to do with him. Hundreds of unseen notifications invaded the cracked screen, most of them coming from a similar sender: an annoying group chat he didn’t even feel like he belonged to. Sure, he knew all those people, they had attended to classes together no more than a year ago, though he couldn’t say he knew a lot about everyone, his social skills had never been the greatest and its condition had been slowly getting worse with the years that came by.

He never answered to those anyway, so he couldn’t really complain about them not getting it, he wasn’t the type to vent his problems out in the open…and he certainly didn’t need the opinion of someone else that would end up being anything but actually useful. Sometimes he would start typing something, though it would never get sent, there was something at the back of his mind that prevented him from doing that, a thought, erasing his written voice from existence. It was probably irrational, he knew that by now, although knowing that didn’t prevent the circle from starting again, and once more, repeating itself after that until he was forced to look away.

The black haired fixed his attention on just the lone message after them all, the one that was just for him to see and no one else, his chest warming up a little at the simple idea that held even more meaning for him that one could ever imagine if they were to look from the outside, which they always did. It opened shortly after, the image of the being who send it positioning on the right upper corner of the damaged screen, the yellowish shades making the brightness coming from the device even more hard to tolerate, he found himself, however, being the target of a sudden wave of gentle heat instead of the usual sea of unnamed feelings he was so used to be hit with.

His irises scanned the words, the phrase place in front of him over and over, not wishing to leave room for mistakes that could condone his acts, betray his thoughts and the beat of his heart all in one strike. The corners of his lips tugged up slightly, not that he would ever admit it outside the room of his hidden shadows, his fingers quickly typing a short response, pressing the send button not so long after having finished to write back, not giving time to his brain to come up with possible outcomes and negative scenarios that would make him take back his feelings.

A minute passed, then another. Shortly after, the minutes had become hours. First, it was one; a while afterwards, two, the seconds didn’t stop for him to take a break or even for him to breathe deeply. The black haired bitted his bottom lip slightly, placing the phone aside before the clock marked three. A response wouldn’t come anytime soon, he knew that, it was more than a fact, the irrational part of his mind couldn’t help but wonder though, maybe that was the issue all along.

His glance roamed aimlessly around the room, trying, mainly in vain in his opinion, to distract himself, to think of decent things, he did not need to focus on anything that could be even if remotely interpreted as not good enough at the time… That’s the last thing he needed on a bad day. His focus kept shifting, not finding anything that could retain their beauty without it getting mixed with his own negative thoughts, between old stars his older sister had helped him place on his walls and ceiling when he was a child to the random object on his shelfs, nothing could escape from its grip to the past. Nothing was never good enough, especially when he came into the mix. Nothing, no matter how good the object itself was.

The half wrapped tablet above his drawing block his younger sibling had bought as a gift for him was an example of that, so was the dusty electric blue guitar his second mother figure had given to him due to his insistence before she was out of sight forever, not giving him the chance to pronounce a proper goodbye, leaving him to drop dead to an abysm of night terrors that had become his reality. And that was his own fault, for never being good enough, for making the world’s worst mistakes over and over. He was to blame for the helplessness he sometimes felt when he stared at nothing in particular, he was the brick tied to himself that was bluntly dragging him down.

Because that was it: he was sinking. He always had been, for as long as he could remember, he had just become aware of how slowly he was getting out of breath, how icy water had started to invade his lungs, getting into his nostrils without his permission, stinging his eyes with salty drops, how his chest kept contracting, making it difficult to go on, to stay gloating above the surface.

He knew the feeling in his gut wouldn’t disappear anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> [I'm also on tumblr](http://glowing-dimp-as-an-ember.tumblr.com/)


End file.
